Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize