I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
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My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
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