Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
