Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
literally had 100 drinks last night.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
