my phone needs a breathalizer
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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