gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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