there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
