Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
