how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
