who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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