I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
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