i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
did i just pee glitter
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
