hotel room ftw
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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