We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
