Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
