I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
