I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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