take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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