A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
