This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
You don't make any sense
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