Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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