Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
