Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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