He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize