My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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