1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
