she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
