At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
