oh god the rape fog is back!
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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