y did u give ur computer a hand job?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
