You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
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Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
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Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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