he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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