New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
Dignity is for republicans.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
