How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Randomize
