it wasn't lemon gatorade
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Sorry about my life...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
