Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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