your room smells of hookers.
And success
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
