I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
