I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
