just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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