it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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