Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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