If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
17 year olds will be the death of me.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
