I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Randomize
