I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
