I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
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