So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
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