I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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