I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
