Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
