I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
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