I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There r osticjed everywhere
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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