she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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