My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
