Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
