Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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