she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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