i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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