just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
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Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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