If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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