i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
