i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
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