I need to stop coming to work sober
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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