How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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