Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
My dick has a subreddit
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
