Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
