She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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