at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
