Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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