I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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