So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
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