you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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