is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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