pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
