My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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