everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
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Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
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I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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