She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
