Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
