After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
