my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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