Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
