The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
