my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize
