Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Randomize
