...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
