just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
