don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
