Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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