so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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