I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
