you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
